i don’t know if it’s me, but

lately, people have been dying an awful lot more than usual.

i don’t know if it’s just me, as i become more perceptive of the world, or if there actually are more deaths recently.

the school i go to for sixth form has a church next door, and literally three or four school days out of five, there’s a funeral going on.

i know quite a few people who have recently lost someone close, and i feel so bad for them. cos it’s so hard to lose someone. they leave a gap. and even when you try and forget about it, you can’t stop thinking about them from time to time. and every time you think about them, you’re reminded of that gap. and it hollows you out too, every time.

and another reason i feel bad, is that i so want to comfort them, but i’m so woefully inadequate at it. when somebody dies, or when somebody you know loses someone, it’s hard to know how to comfort the person. it doesn’t really work if you say ‘i hope things get better for you’ cos, well, you know, there’s limitations on that. somebody just died. it’s hard to think things will get better for those bereaved in that sense. and i hate feeling like i’m not helping people, like in effect, it’s like i’m just sitting there, hollowly saying ‘there there.’ i feel like i’m letting them down as friends. i want to help them, but it’s so difficult.

and i don’t like to admit this, because it makes me feel selfish to say it,

but i’m worried now. really quite worried.

worried that i might be the next person to lose someone.

or worse…

that i’m the one who gets lost.

it’s horrible.

we’re dropping like flies.

try and stay safe. all of you. okay?

♥ xo

jalexatsix:

you know when you fangirl so hard you just sit there flapping your arms squeaking at the computer screen and laughing like a mental hospital patient

(via wankmeatsix)